we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
