dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My bed smells like the plague
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
