There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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