My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
