good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize