Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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