If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
