you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
