Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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