I cut my penus on the lid.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
