Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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