My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
