Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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