My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
