her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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