Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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