I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
