THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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