OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
