Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize