Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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