Christians are straight up FREAKS
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I think your dad took our porno
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize