She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
