She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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