Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
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