he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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