I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
