hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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