There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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