where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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