What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
