I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
