you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
