i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
