They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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