I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
