im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize