"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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