so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
