I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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