i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
PANTIES FOUND
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