Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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