Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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