I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
