i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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