I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
