if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
