It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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