You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
