Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
