turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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