getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
