Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
