it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
