"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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