this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
