I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
