You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
