the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
