she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
