I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
