First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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