anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
