So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
