he thought i was a dude.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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