either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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