I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
