Need sex. Gaining weight.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
