wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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