ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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